You're My Life Support ENG
by MylesowaHudson
Summary: Alec is thinking about his break-up with Magnus. Everything in his room reminds him about the warlock and evokes memories of their relationship. One shot. First thing I published. Translated from my polish version of this.
Alec moved his eyes around the room another time. He knows it by heart, every scratch on the wall, every ray of sunlight falling on his personal stuff, every single hair of the fluffy carpet...

 _...where you were kissing His soft like velvet lips multiple times, touching His statuesque skin, gentle like thin paper to write romantic letters on, whispering to His ear lyrics of the love songs, deep from your heart, speak of the power of your feelings to each other..._

He gazed at the bookshelf. The first he saw was battered copy of „Shadowhunters code" with a lot of colorful bookmarks inserted between the pages, then a lot of books about weapons, runes, legends about Downworlders and...

 _You never liked poetry, it was boring for you. But when you got THIS little,_ _inconspicuous volume of poetry of a foreign author_ _from XVIII century, you changed your mind. Not because you liked those rhymes. You liked this_ _quiet, melodious voice with which they were read._

 _You remember._

 _You remember softness of the pillow on your cheek and the warmth of another body next to you. You remember quiet voice whispering next verses in moonlight looking behind the curtain. You remember a hand turning the pages with a rustle, softly touching them with the fingers. Gentle and lovingly. You remember the sentence resounding in your_ _darkened sleeping mind:"You are a fortress where I can find a shelter between mighty walls". That was better than prosaic confessions of love, thrown casually while drinking morning coffe. It was stronger, more intimate. It was YOURS._

His eyes quickly went to the damaged cup. Inconspicuous, slight , in his favourite colour...

 _Graphic sky glowing of billions little, shining specks. "Pieces of glitter" you were kidding._

 _A warm blanket He always covered your arms, smells like sandal tree, vanilla and Him. A mug full of freshly brewed coffee which is taking up the heat in your cold hands and hot kiss of the roasted beans, sugar and water._

 _Blooming peas with tiny flowers, dust, sand and pebbles underfoot, soft grass and Earth's heartbeat – measuring, quiet. Catlike eyes hidden behind the ebony eyelashes, a look full of concern, glance at His watch._

" _It's late"_

 _A rustle of the grass and His perfect (as always) clothes, a head on the shoulder and strong smell of His shampoo mixed with coffe aroma. The stars fighting for being prettier than His eyes. Breath. Quiet, measuring, harmoniously connected with the rest of the world._

" _Let's go"_

 _Fingers together, exploring every inch of them, looking for warmth and feeling. A touch on the cheek, moved a finger tip across the lips, a hand in the tangled hair._

 _Quiet snap ruining the silence, sapphire sparkles and the mug suddenly in fronf of your eyes._

" _Look, it's a little bit broken. If not my magic..."_

 _The silence is back, caused by meet of the chapped lips taste like coffe. Eyelids fluttering like butterflies' wings, hands explorings hip bones protruding from too low abandoned jeans. Gentle push toward the house. His hand in one, a mug in another hand._

He looked on the windowsill blinking fast. A frame and the photo from Paris inside...

 _Soft, rhythmic gait, the taste of red wine and smell of the night in Paris. Creaking door open, creaking stairs in the hallway._

 _One, two, three..._

 _Thoughtful hands getting rid of the jacket, sliding under the tshirt and wandering along uncharted territories. Heart speeds up, making the blood rushing in the blue veins and arteries visible under the skin._

 _You've never felt more alive than now._

 _He kisses a Rune on your neck and stops, uncertain. When He got permission He lets your shirt fall down on the floor, ruining the harmony of the place where you stand. He shows Himself with one hand move, same situation as you._

 _The breath becomes heavy, kisses aren't soft brushes but stigmas. Are not painful like Runes and still more durable. They're assurance. You're mine. Mine._

 _The radius of the moon shines alabaster skin where perfection is destroyed on some places by the stele._

 _A Shadowhunter._

 _Finger, belong of course to Him, moving at the Runes carefully, exploring surface, structure, size._

 _Kisses. Sweet, deep, reaching beyond raspberry lips and neck where artery pulsates with boiling blood._

 _Feeling of softness uder the back and weight one body on another. He is gorgeous. Magical._

" _You're breathtaking" you're whispering insecure, looking straight into His catlike eyes._

 _Nimble fingers sliding along the body, taking all the cold textiles, replace them with warm breath and greedy hands pulling your body closer. More._

 _Touch, so gentle but also full of too long suppressed desire. He was waiting patiently. Actually He was the one who was waiting until you, a Shadowhunter made night your lady, immerse in the passion and let for the travel to prove a real, true love. You still can't believe._

 _Whispered question about permission, quiet moan when He tries to get to know you precisely, not cause you pain. Your eyelids flapping, making your throat to sing the melody of delight. You feel His love, you want all of Him now and forever._

 _You lose yourself in the tangle of breaths, touch and heartbeats. Your blood is boiling in your veins, you're trembling violently._

 _You and Him are one. Close, closest as you can. You're not thinking about tomorrow, what's gonna happen with you in one hour, how you're gonna feel in one minute. You're focusing on the inside of His mouth, His possessive hands wrapped around your waist and overwhelming pleasure making all your thoughts gone forever._

 _Both of you are rising to the heights of pleasure, singing delight song with same melody. He's appropriating you, you don't live alone anymore, you coexist with Him._

" _I love you, Alexander"_

 _Breath is getting slower. All the muscles are decompressing, not shaking anymore. The blood cools of. Only your love is still hot and alive, you're picking on this love hard, believing in happy ending._

 _Caress of the blanket on your naked body and softness Love of Your Life's skin, the sound of His beating heart and forehead shiny with a few drops of sweat, eyes glowing and full of emotions. Feelings for you. Just for you._

" _I love you too"_

Moved his eyes again, this time on night table and tiny, little box.

 _You'd never think anyone ask you THIS question. Well, you'd never think anyone will even consider this. But now you are here, sitting on a bench in your favourite part of the garden, under apple tree. The whole air smells like flowers, typical for spring time. You're gazing into well-known to you eyes, usually certain and filled with emotions, now frightened, anxious but hopeful._

" _Alexander Lightwood..."_

 _His voice is soft and thoughtful. You melts, feel you're gonna go crazy with love for Him. You are listening._

" _You're the most beautiful miracle Mother Earth gave to this world"_

 _You look around, see shiny sun, fleeting clouds gliding majestically through the sky, colorful flowers, trees, grass... Catlike eyes. You lose yourself in these eyes but you're not afraid. Wandering in these iris is just a pleasure for you. How can He called you a "miracle" when we have so many beauty here?_

" _For hundreds of years... I've closed myself for feeling anything to anyone... You ublocked something in me"._

 _Immidiately burning blush. Your mind's showing you all your memories, the moment when you asked Him for help, frightened, knowing just His sonorous name, when your hands were a source of His strenght, when..._

" _I've never loved anyone like I love you"_

 _You wanna make a path on your cheeks with salty tears of joy. You're smiling, blinking quickly. Shadowhunters don't cry._

" _I want to spend my whole life with you, that's why..." He kneels._

 _You stop breathing, your eyes wide open, looking at Him._

" _Alexander Gideon Lightwood... Alec, my sweetie... Will you marry me?"_

 _You can no longer hold back the tears. You cover your mouth with your hands, shaking your head with soundless "yes". You lift Him to His feet, extanding your hands where after one second is a beautiful ring._

 _You remind yourself about breathing._

 _You're moving closer, kissing Him like you never kissed before. With hope and joy. You hug Him, wrapping your arms around Him. You won't let Him. He's yours. Just for you, forever._

Finally you're looking at the free space on your bed. At the cold overlay and headless cushion. You hear the silence in your head.

" _That was a mistake!" you're slobbering, holding tight His jacket, wanting keep Him close as long as you can._

" _I don't wanna see you anymore" Knife into your poor heart. You're falling apart, emptiness dementia slowly fill you._

 _You're begging all powers exist, you are begging Raziel, demons. You are begging Him for forgiveness._

" _Kiss me"_

 _Salty taste of your tears on His lips, the light from your magic stone between you two. Hands on hair and neck. And whisper:_

" _Aku cinta kamu"_

 _And then you stay alone in dark tunnel, feeling you just died._

He closed his eyelids out of which a little tears where falling. He rolled to the other side.

27 days.

648 hours.

38 880 minutes.

2 332 800 seconds.

He did not have a reason to get out of bed. Every little thing in this room reminded him about his love...

 _Magnus... Magnus..._

How many times he asked Him with a whisper to come back, how many times he dreamt about His melodic voice...

 _Can't live without You..._

How could he be so stupid and even consider Camille's offer?!

" _You wanted to shorten my life, Alec"_

 _Alec._

 _Alexander._

 _Alexander Lightwood._

He had no clue who he is anymore. He felt with every moment since his warlock left him, something was taken permanent from his soul.

" _I don't exist without You"_

He was falling apart more and more...

 _Come back... Magnus... Please..._

He loved. He loved like he was always scared of to. To love is to create?

 _I need You... I breathe with You..._

To love is to destroy

" _I love you... But it doesn't matter anymore"_

To love is to trust

 _I'm dying slowly...I'm falling... Magnus..._

To love is to remember

 _Magnus... Magnus Bane... The High Warlock of Brooklyn..._

To love is to let someone go

 _Don't leave me... don't do this..._

Alec Lightwwood was dead. His heart beat for Him, and if He's gone...

" _I'll never leave you, Alexander"_

Get up. Breathe. Lay down.

 _I love You_

Live.

 _I love you too._


End file.
